Honey, I've never been able to hide this gayface. I've been mixing patterns and clashing colors since 1985. In terms of fashion, I like to be loud even if I'm feeling quiet. I'm a bit of an extroverted introvert, so the beauty of clothes is being able to turn up the volume without opening my mouth. There are also a lot fewer dykes in my peer group still living in the city. The queer-exodus has made me want to be as visible as possible, not just for my own ego but because I think having a multi-generational queer tribe is important. My wife and I are excited to play our role as "elders?" in the community. I hope that when the gaybies see us around town they think: OK. You can get older, find your unicorn, rock your own style, and make a little coin in this city without compromising your identity.
From the tattoos to the piercings to my other style choices, I know I likely read as gay, and more and more, I’m loving leaning into that. When I was closeted, fashion was an escapist world, but I was vigilant not do anything that could overtly signal my latent sexuality. In the present, beyond looking good and feeling good, I feel a responsibility to show up authentically, in the hopes that maybe, just a little, I can help others feel safe to do the same.
To me, it's about living out loud. It's like, "I am what I am, and if you don't like it, bye". Mainly because I don't really have much of a choice. Look at me. When I walk into a room, everyone knows a gay has arrived! At work, I use they pronouns, which is edgy for me, even if most of the time, to the outside world, I seem perfectly confident. But I feel it everyday, that I am different, but instead of cowering because of it, I've learned to lean in. To stand up taller. I did try for many years to hide it but I was miserable. So now, I'm 37, and loving life, doing all the things I always wondered if I'd be free enough to do. And I am. My queerness is intrinsically out in front for me, so I've embraced that: it's in my signature, pins on my jackets; I wear it brightly, I make films about it (thegettybrothers.com), and I don't apologize for it, not anymore, because that's just not me. #theyface
Do I have a gay face? If people had to make a snap judgement, I feel the resounding answer would be “yas queen”! I love blurring the lines between feminine and masculine as an androgynous cis woman; proudly pushing back on a dominant cultures ideas around what it means to be “normal” without having to say a word. I am an embodied celebration of the outlier, a quiet challenge to the status quo. With something as simple as lipstick and a jumper one day, and a suit and tie the next, I am continuing to remind others (as well as my conservatively rooted/raised self) how fluid we really are. Anti-assimilation is revolutionary. Long live the revolution!
I came out much later, and have found it both exciting and sometimes challenging to be recognized as gay. I have a hat that reads, “Sounds gay. I’m in.” Even that doesn’t always do the trick as it should turn out. Sometimes I feel inspired to cut my hair super short, to present myself differently to be seen. And maybe one day I will. But for now I love to feel like an exception to the rule, somewhat. Plus, I’ve always been a fan of mystery and wonder… I wouldn’t want to take the fun out of those moments when onlookers’ expressions reveal that my naughty little actions are successfully unveiling my #gayface!
I think I probably have gay face? Twice in one month clearing customs in SFO and then Mexico City, I got misgendered. I find it simultaneously amusing and offensive getting "sir-ed" I'm at once transported and contained. I remember the night I became an honorary member of the short hair club at the @lexingtonclubsf (RIP), and gifted free drinks. It's funny how our bodies and presentation can read to queer community, family and the rest of the world, fitting into multiple spaces that can limit or expand our self projection.
As a white cis man who can pass as straight, I have the privilege of playing with fashion and flagging my queerness when I want. Like so many of my peers, I spent much of my life (almost 24 years) actively hiding who I was, so I’ve become hyper-aware of how people “present”. It’s ingrained into me whether I like it or not. As a proud gay/queer man, I love being able to show up as “masculine” at a job and then WORKING A LEWK like this when I so choose.
There was a lot of self-doubt surrounding how “coming out” would negatively affect my relationships with friends and family. It took years to amass the courage to tell those closest to me that I live a bisexual lifestyle. I recall the sense of fear from being exiled from my people—but instead, I was surrounded by the most endearing support system. So everything I do, I do out of love and I do it for them
I’ve never felt comfortable hiding my homosexuality simply because I don’t feel I can do it well. Growing up in my Mexican family involved a lot of “don’t wear that… don’t stand like that… stop flicking your wrist… go play with the boys.” It ingrained in me that I shouldn’t be myself, but what they wanted me to be. My reality was that I played better with girls than I did with boys and that was especially apparent when surrounded by family. Over the years since coming out, I’ve been learning to accept the body, mind, and spirit that I was given. I’ve been learning that to redefine the *machismo* in my life, I need to step into my *femenino*